It is time for you to return from your deep state of depression, redundant daily life and come back to me baby birds! I have returned after a brief hiatus, where did I go you may ask? Answer is simple back to the future my friends, and not to pursue hooking up with my mom when she was younger (like in Back to the Future) either. People it is no secret this blog is overwhelmingly influential just ask Oprah, Mark Zuckerberg and the trigger man behind the 2013 assassination of Barbara Walters, so it is no surprise that first lady Michelle Obama requested my duties to assist her in protecting our national security and future. Last week Mrs. Obama was quickly filtering through her daily news briefings bored, that is of course until she came across THIS blog which once again inspired, (as it has in the past) her to raise the issue of our child obesity rate and how it is detrimental to our national security, along with how we must stop it NOW before they become obese adults. When I was invited to the Lincoln bedroom (no advances were made... by me) to discuss the issue I had 4 words for the first lady "Don't Ask, Don't Weigh", while she is intent on pursuing the cruel way of solving this issue (taking fatty foods out of our schools) I said "Mrs. first lady beautiful arms by the way, if I may why not remove the strict military guidelines on weight? I mean for example when I am out (getting my drink on) at a local pub non of the men protecting the bar would get anywhere near making the cut for our military, and aren't bars the best example of what war really is? a place where people of all cultures and backgrounds get together and get riled up enough to fight over territories (usually women)?" She sternly agreed and laid the ground work of getting the bill of "Don't Ask Don't Weigh" passed by coining the quote "America's obese children are a National Security Threat." At first Mrs. Obama was looking to take the long and boring route as a solution which consists of getting our children to eat better and exercise, but I urged her to take the shortcut and lift the weight requirements off of our military so our heavyset children will no longer threaten our national security. In closing going back to stop our children from being told NO when looking to serve their country in the future is what we have accomplished. So when little Tommy asks for a "Happy Meal" you make sure you get him that "Double Quarter Pounder" with cheese and know if he ever wants to serve his country, that Freedom has been restored!
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