How fragile America has become

People what is going on? Football games used to be played during blizzards all the time, now we move games with just 6 inches of snow on the field? What are we going to do when 2012 (Mayan theory) comes around? Rappers used to talk about murdering each other, now rappers like 50 Cent talk about their vitamin water. To say America has gotten soft is an understatement. You know things are bad when the toughest politician is Sarah Palin. I heard Richard Simmons is the new leader of the Blood gang. People the time for talking is done, so go to your local bar, punch the person next to you right in the face and go home and bang your wife. Its time for a change the days of a man tanning and wearing pink are over. Its time for extra large plaid shirts and lumberjack beards. Operation "grow a pair" starts to day, and the change starts with you!

That a "To Catch a Predator: Christmas edition" does not exist

People it is time to return from the total shut down of society. In other words Christmas is over. Like many of you, one of my favorite things to do on Christmas day is watch my favorite comedy show "To Catch a Predator". The episodes usually seen on Christmas, involve the usual trailer park trash or perverted Indian men who can usually be found at your local strip clubs at noon, avoiding their wives. But I must raise a question, why not introduce a new victim appropriate for the Christmas holiday? I know MSNBC and I have had our differences, I am actually currently fighting a lawsuit of "defamation of character" from MSNBC. Supposedly Rachel Maddow is a woman...Go figure. But MSNBC I ask you, why are you allowing a golden opportunity of combining religion and one of your most highly rated television shows together? I mean the opportunity is there, priests across the world do not watch television. So the element of surprise when Chris Hansen shows himself will obviously be some quality television. Heed my words MSNBC the redundancy of an Indian fellow and the typical dad next door is getting old. Spice it up a bit, and when you dismantle any value religion will ever have again...Send me a check!

The way Keith Olbermann makes me hate myself

Nation it is no secret I am somewhat of a "News Junkie", I just need the stuff injected into my bloodstream. One man I have grown to dislike is the character of Keith Olbermann. It is not what Mr. Olbermann says but rather, his condescending tone when reprimanding the camera.Which has been credited as the reason, for the increase of plastic surgery in our country. Keith (if I may) your degradation of the people is why increasingly, the women of America look like the joker. Your scolding is why I just joined a gym, bought a Prius and squeeze my lips as if to suck a lemon. Keith for your own health stop yelling, at the end of the day nobody listens to you, and getting angry at the fact that a young boy, in his mid 20's by the name of Rachel Maddow gets better ratings than you, is not a justification to be mad at America. Keith your the world's worser person of the day!

Even though conservatives are crazy, liberals are just as equally, stupid

It seems the Liberal news giant known as "The New York Times" did not get the message. You leak information you will be charged with rape. Yesterday the newspaper took the liberty of leaking top secret information. Not the type of information revealing, Russian prostitutes who serve Middle Eastern leaders, but rather information that includes, plans for American covert military actions in Afghanistan. So thank you Julian Assange for starting a new trend of leaking. Thank you Mark Zuckerberg for destroying privacy, along with people having any ambition what so ever. "New York Times" what is your angle? What purpose will this serve? And how do you charge an entire newspaper with rape?  Nation you may not hear much about this on your local news broadcast, because I don't know if you heard but Mylie Cyrus did salvia. But I demand New York Times take responsibility for this immature act. I demand all journalists of "The New York Times" be forced to serve in the military, specifically to follow through with the EXACT plans they took the liberty of leaking. If they fail their mission, worst case scenario we lose a couple of Toyota Prius owners. You still have time to repent "New York Times", do the right thing.

The insanity within the Republican party

O Lordy! what a week for conservatives. From new polls showing how Fox news misinforms its viewers, which might understandably shock you, with such insightful talent of people like Glenn Beck, how could Fox news be misleading? To John McCain literally opposing every single thing ever (He even said no to biggie sizing his french fries!). To Shepard Smith a man who starts the day off, by revving up his 70 year old viewers for the nightly Fox lineup of thorough information, turning his back to the Republican congress, due to their opposition to a tax that will help 9/11 first responders. What Shepard Smith does not understand is there is a time and place for everything, and Republicans actually have the 9/11 first responders best interests at heart. But Republicans are looking to utilize a different route, where those first responders will, receive the tax money they need when they die, through the Estate Tax. Now that's thinking creative. Patience 9/11 responders, is a virtue. And let us not forget, the constant reminder by Fox news about the frigid temperatures across the country, Global Warming? HA! my shriveled gonads! Republicans if I may recommend one thing, its quite simple actually... RUN! There is nothing left to hold on to. Actually there is one thing, a lady from a small town, who on her reality show, attempted to teach responsibility by forcing her daughter (who is also a 9 year old aunt)  to work as a waitress. A woman who quit her duties as governor, in exchange for a reality television show, is teaching responsibility. On second thought Republicans, RUN!

The REAL reason behind the airport fondling

Yesterday the TSA's new director stated "every test gun, bomb part or knife got past screener's at some airports." News that is far from arousing for Americans who skipped visiting their local strip clubs, and chose the sexual healing offered by airports. This news obviously clarifies the real reason behind the TSA's highly publicized new tactics, not to protect our country, rather use the "safety" excuse for some erotic images, the agents would later utilize on their bathroom breaks. So when you are next up on that line to receive your groping, and the TSA agent asks "is that a gun in your pocket?" tell that agent "yes sir it is, but me and you both know that is not why we are here."

Mark Zuckerberg is TIME magazine's Person of the Year

Yes people it is Mr. Facebook himself who took the award this year. Which of course makes total sense, before Mark Zuckerberg the thought of you having more than 20 friends was nothing but a pipe dream at best, but now not only is your friend total at a whopping 1,213 (who were all there for you when your grandmother died) but you even have over 2,000 photos of you with a peace sign and that angle from the top, you know the one you most likely took in your bathroom. And please let us not forget that old thing that since Facebook, has disappeared from our vocabulary completely (hold while I find that damned word)... O yea, privacy! Let's just say compared to Facebook, Julian Assange lives as if he were Amish. Now some of you might say "I don't know what I would do without Facebook" O, I don't know have a job? You thought unemployment was at a near 10% because of a bad economy? No people its because of that one picture your friend took of you hitting a bong filled with salvia (which was easily located by googling your name). People don't you see? Mark Zuckerberg is as evil as evil gets. His full birth name is actually Mark Bin Jong-Il, he was put here to invade your privacy and to make sure all of your dreams and future aspirations are destroyed because instead of studying for a test or reading a good book, you just became a drug Kingpin on "Mafia Wars". It is no secret me and Mr. Zuckerberg have had our differences, but mind you this has no bearing on what I have stated here today. Our riff is beneath what the Facebook machine has created, and this blog will not stand for the actions of Mr. Bin Jong-Il. So we will proceed to do what we do best, and that is make very serious claims!

How difficult it is to help the first lady save America's youth, and blog at the same time

It is time for you to return from your deep state of depression, redundant daily life and come back to me baby birds! I have returned after a brief hiatus, where did I go you may ask? Answer is simple back to the future my friends, and not to pursue hooking up with my mom when she was younger (like in Back to the Future) either. People it is no secret this blog is overwhelmingly influential just ask Oprah, Mark Zuckerberg and the trigger man behind the 2013 assassination of Barbara Walters, so it is no surprise that first lady Michelle Obama requested my duties to assist her in protecting our national security and future. Last week Mrs. Obama was quickly filtering through her daily news briefings bored, that is of course until she came across THIS blog which once again inspired, (as it has in the past) her to raise the issue of our child obesity rate and how it is detrimental to our national security, along with how we must stop it NOW before they become obese adults. When I was invited to the Lincoln bedroom (no advances were made... by me) to discuss the issue I had 4 words for the first lady "Don't Ask, Don't Weigh", while she is intent on pursuing the cruel way of solving this issue (taking fatty foods out of our schools) I said "Mrs. first lady beautiful arms by the way, if I may why not remove the strict military guidelines on weight? I mean for example when I am out (getting my drink on) at a local pub non of the men protecting the bar would get anywhere near making the cut for our military, and aren't bars the best example of what war really is? a place where people of all cultures and backgrounds get together and get riled up enough to fight over territories (usually women)?" She sternly agreed and laid the ground work of getting the bill of "Don't Ask Don't Weigh" passed by coining the quote "America's obese children are a National Security Threat." At first Mrs. Obama was looking to take the long and boring route as a solution which consists of getting our children to eat better and exercise, but I urged her to take the shortcut and lift the weight requirements off of our military so our heavyset children will no longer threaten our national security. In closing going back to stop our children from being told NO when looking to serve their country in the future is what we have accomplished. So when little Tommy asks for a "Happy Meal" you make sure you get him that "Double Quarter Pounder" with cheese and know if he ever wants to serve his country, that Freedom has been restored!

Since gay's willing to serve in the military can't anymore, fat people have to

Well it looks like the repeal of "Don't Ask Don't Tell" didn't pass. Even though when asked, 70% of our troops stated they would not care if gays served along side them or even behind them. Even though the military is one part of our country where we never ASK them for anything rather we bark orders for things we demand of them. At any rate as we all know in our country no one has the audacity to riot for anything so we must proceed forward and do as we always do and move on. So I am asking for the passing of a bill entitled "Don't Ask Don't Weigh" to pass. People its no secret here in America we like to eat. In a land where one patty no longer cuts it in our hamburgers, where we have the freedom to select not only a double cheeseburger, nor a triple burger but a quad stack (just what the cardiologist ordered!) we must now earn that 5,000 calorie diet we savior. I am pushing forward to the Senate a bill that will remove the weight requirements from the military. Their are tons (pun intended) of things the heavyset can do in our military heck the Air Force has drone planes that can be controlled similar to that of a video game for one. This type of dislike towards the hungry cannot stand any longer. So I ask of you America to raise your large triple thick shake in the air make a toast and join the cause and earn that CHANGE and HOPE we've been searching for.

That you don't realize how much you really despise "Wikileaks"

People contrary to what you believe "The Government" and "The People" are similar in various ways. Both wake up every morning go to work do what they have to do to make sure society runs the way its supposed to. Both are made up of three different branches "The Government" being Executive, Legislative and Judicial while the three different branches of "The People" consist of White, Black, and Hispanic. So I ask you (defenders of Wikileaks) how would you like it if you had an Australian constantly going through your garbage for information, listening to your family conversations regarding how your wife is cheating on you because you were so caught up in your Christmas lights which lead to her needs not being met. Or how about going through the endless amounts of pornographic material on your home PC finding videos of things only legal in Mexico? And then after all the scrutiny that same Aussie takes the gathered information and makes it public knowledge. WOW! wouldn't that just be horrible? Well "The People" now you know how "The Government" feels. Now if while digging through your dirt that Aussie discovered your family is secretly "The Coneheads" and are from another planet well then that would obviously be something we all should know about. But if all he found was you talking about how fat Meghan the next door neighbor got is there really a need for publicizing nonsense? There's a forum designed just for nonsense like that its called a blog! RIDICULOUS.

The rude and inhumane cruelty of Barbara Walters

This one is personal! During her interview with Oprah entitled "The Next Chapter" Barbara Walters had the audacity to make thee Oprah Winfrey cry. You may understandably say to yourself "Oprah can cry?" the answer is no not real tears (just ones that help her sell stuff). But with the manipulative ways that Barbara Walters has mastered, even Oprah was no match. Barbara managed to pull this one off by bringing up the unfounded RIDICULOUS rumors of Oprah being a lesbian. As we all know by now Oprah has been influenced deeply by this blog, and it is my duty to protect the entity that is Oprah. This is not so much a blog post as it is a warning. To those calling Oprah a lesbian and especially to you Barbara Walters. Through the years you have been manipulating the famous in crying for you so you can get the ratings you whore yourself out for. If anyone should be called a lesbian its YOU Ms. Walters, do not think we forgot about the public display of passionate (sexual) hatred on "The View" you and Rosie O'Donnell had for each other (who as we all know is the twin lesbian sister of Jonah Hill). Ms. Walters Oprah doesn't cry if I were you I'd take a serious look into editing the interview where Oprah is interviewing you and making sure YOU start crying for actually being a lesbian. Just a thought... A thought that would be for the best for everyone... everyone includes you Barb. RIDICULOUS.

The fact that the only person Jimmy Fallon can make laugh is Jimmy Fallon

Listen Jimmy I understand that you must of had sex with Lorne Michaels to gain all the success you have, but man just throw in the towel. Do you get what you are doing to comedy? George Lopez watches you and feels good about his jokes. I must say though Jimmy does get huge laughs all from himself. Now some of you might say "I like Jimmy Fallon" (which surprises me that first graders would be able to read this), but you most likely also like Dane Cook so you are obviously disqualified from any sound judgement. Jimmy also likes to get his audience involved one of his skits consists of getting 2 audience members, one who reads a line from a card and the other one proceeds to spit water in the face of the guy reading the card, now that's creative. All I am trying to say is, Jimmy do you really want to be the reason that the suicide rate goes up? don't be selfish Jimmy, children's lives depend on you quitting, do the right thing. RI...DIC...U...LOUS.

The inexplicable (and dispicable) way David Hasselhoff stays relevant

For years it seems "the Hoff" has been able to reprise roles that just do not make sense. Besides "Knight Rider" which I personally think Gary Coleman could of done a better job in (I mean a guy and a talking car). It seems "the Hoff" just receives success he has no business receiving. Who could forget "Baywatch" which I'm sure we all remember why we really watched it (the ocean view), the Hoff had to spend one year of training before taking the role of famed lifeguard Mitch Buchanan (not working out, rather learning how to suck in his gut for an hour) to work on his physique which is often compared to that of George the Animal Steele. Which I guess makes sense for a show about lifeguards. Since then the Hoff most recently was given the privilege to be a JUDGE on "America's Got Talent", which is as unbelievable as... David Hasselhoff  being a judge on show about talent. Moving forward to the present, we all know anyone can get a reality show nowadays, so of course it is only fitting that a show called "The Hasselhoffs" now exists. RIDICULOUS.

MTV being the reason why your 12 year old daughter THINKS shes 20

You might be asking what do you mean? Lets take a lighthearted stroll through a daily MTV schedule and just see how it provides your little princess with enough filth for her to make her own "grown up decisions". Let's start at "MADE" where princess is filled with aspirations and wanting to be lead cheerleader not the dork who gets picked on all the time, great start huh? next on the schedule we have "True Life (I'm clashing with my parents)" uh oh! careful this might lead to something really really bad later. Then we have "Is She Really Going Out With Him?" fun show where princess talks about her jerk B.F. (who comes back later) Now we get to her TV "Super Sweet 16" yayyy! Next is where it gets really fun and that pesky boyfriend shows up again "16 and Pregnant" sorry mom and dad maybe if we never clashed none of this would of happened. Then she'll finally make it to "The Real World" where she'll discover shes a lesbian with a kid. YIKES! So its easy to understand why a 12 year old instead of growing up at a normal pace, would rather watch MTV for a couple of hours and skip a couple of years. And you still think you can tell her she's not allowed to wear a belly shirt to the mall! RIDICULOUS.

That guy who just blatantly over does it with his Christmas decorations

YOUR HOUSE

    

THAT GUY'S HOUSE

               

So this year you have decided to outdo every single house in your neighborhood of over 80 other houses, with an enormous amount of obnoxious Christmas lights. Well played sir. After the 240 hours of labor (time better spent reading about Jesus and how he would never want his birthday celebrated with an awful display of lights) along with a total of $700 of electric bills you managed to STICK out and make your self visible in sky view mode of Google Earth, NICE! Well sir this year no I did not beat you in the amount of lights on my house, BUT I did use the time and money I saved on gifts! So while Mikey and little Jennifer have to settle for a Jenga and Barbie doll, my kid received a Power Wheels Escalade. But you know what "That Guy" you enjoy those lights take pictures, enter competitions but when you find out your wife was cheating on you because of the time you dedicated to the lights and not on her needs, then you'll really need time to get closer to God and read about that Jesus fellow!

-- Over and, Out.

The unconditional admiration Michael Jordan has for Adolf Hitler

It was once said imitation is the highest form of flattery. Michael took this one too far, it makes one wonder if the Aryan Brotherhood has a ranking system where a person with a combination of a Hitler stache AND a shaved head equate to a high ranking leader of some sort? All I know is I do not support such activity or more importantly such horrid fashion statements, Mike get a new publicist one that has the gonads to tell you "hey idiot you look like an ass!"

--Over and, Out.

That there was no all out brawl in Cleveland two nights ago

 

All sportscasters on ESPN today stated they were happy "things did not get out hand" bullshit. Watching the game last night it was easy to be disappointed at something that was so hyped up. Hopefully Cleveland fans learned boo's don't win games, LeBron does.

--Over and, Out.

Popstars who think that by being "outcasts" and doing weird things they are helping there career!

Listen we all know you might have some kind of talent that you were born with, but lets be realistic you do not make those stupid faces when the camera is not on you and you sure as hell never wore a meat dress when you were a nobody. So save it! Get on stage, make a cd and realize all you really are is entertainment, it seems the goal of today's pop star is to be discussed on "Entertainment Tonight" not remembered FOREVER for the great inspiring music they have made. John Lennon is pissing his pants in disgust as we speak.

-- Over and, Out.